I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
