i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
