no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
