sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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