took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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