I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
