she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a beard to bite.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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