Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
