Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
