I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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