The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
