It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
