I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am puke
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize