The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
