That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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