Whod you bang
Don't make out with my wife yet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
