tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
