i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm having to shit out rocks
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