Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
