Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
