I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
