I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
