My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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