The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
