You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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