trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
