so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
