areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am midnight drunk by noon
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
