This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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