If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
