Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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