smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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