Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
