And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
