I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she told me i tasted like america
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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