he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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