I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
