I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
