So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
