Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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