sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
