his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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