Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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