smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
