Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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