he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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