well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
