We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are the jesus of drinking
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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