3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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