That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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