Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
