my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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