there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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