Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
